Gaaah! Nothing is going well today.
I've been feeling lonely lately, so I have been toying with the idea of joining e-harmony. I have done the personality profile. I was surprised that it turned out to be spot on and not always in a good way. My mother agreed, no surprise there. So yesterday instead of doing the piles of work on my desk, I tried to join for 3 months to see what happens. Then I couldn't get my debit card to work. Wrong address blah, blah, blahcakes, never the less, I tried a bunch of times and it never went through. I tried again today, same thing. I called my bank to make sure my paycheck was deposited and found out that I have only $41 available! Jigga what? Yup, my deposit was there, but not available? Quick call to the bank, What the hell? Well, it turns out that 9 times when I tried to pay the membership fee, $99.95 was put on hold against my account. The charge never went through, but the hold for the money is there. AND nothing can be done about it! It will go away on its own - but not until Tuesday. So I have no money.
My head is killing me. I think it is a tumor. Or maybe just allergies?
My cable is out, still. The guy is finally coming tomorrow morning, but probably not until the last possible moment. That means I will miss the Farmers Market. Not that I'm pessimistic or anything.
I have a huge zit on my face.
I'm not sleeping again. The entire reason I am on the anti-depressants is so I can sleep. I have huge black circles under my eyes. I am either maniacally happy or cranky and bitchy as hell. The extremes are making me nuts. They aren't doing much for my co-workers either.
I hate most of my job and my co-workers. But this is nothing new.
I'm so jealous of my cousin. I went to his new loft last night, it is so beautiful. Huge windows, lots of space, 2 balconies, and a beautiful kitchen with an island and tons of cabinets. He has a great job, he gets to travel around the world, his year end bonus was a lump sum that was more than I make all year. I don't begrudge him any of this, he works hard and has worked hard to get where he is, but that's what I want, but I want it given to me.
I know that there are many, many people in the world who have real problems and that I am very lucky to have a job and a house and doctor's care, but at this moment everything sucks. And since I don't have anyone I want to talk to about this, I am ranting to my blog.
Does any one know of a rich person [man or woman, it doesn't matter to me] that wants someone to cuckhold. I wouldn't require much, a nice place to live, enough money so I don't have to work, and occasional entertainment. I am willing to be madeover.
The question of the day is
--- If you realize that you are going completely insane, does it make it better that you recognize the instability or does it make it worse that you are conscious of your craziness?